Fleas

Shooting the dog or running over the cat is not the answer, as you may find the wife or the kids a little distressed at the loss of the family pet.

The first step is to go to your vet and purchase a good flea treatment. You can now use the saved bullet to shoot the vet as he has emptied your savings account and all you have to show for it is three or four tiny little capsules.

Once these have been applied, and you have evaded arrest, you can go home and Hoover the hell out of your house, paying particular attention to the areas where the pet spends most of its time.

You will also need to clean down the back of the sofa and armchairs and any other area where there is a build up of dust and organic debris, as this is where fleas lay their eggs and the larva will feed.

Then you call me and I will do the rest. Fleas can be tricky to get rid of if the treatment is not thorough.